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Why do things happen to me?

And so it begins... Sometimes we may get into situations, where we unwillingly become the center of attention. This may be on very happy occasions, sometimes sad, slightly unpleasant and full of unintended comedy. Those are the days, when one may feel as if being in the wrong movie. If on chat, the reply "Wrong Window" comes to mind. As a result of all those "happenings", over the years I may have emerged from that introverted boy to a man with many little stories. It started a long time ago with a company Christmas dinner, where a certain magician was hired for entertainment. Then he appointed me as his not very cooperative assistant from the audience. And that was only the beginning, as deja vu's happen, don't they?

Being "volunteered" to assist the inspector of a "Dinner & Crime" show around diplomatic entanglement and industrial espionage in the island state Little Britain, the performance varied between spontaneity and putting the foot in the mouth. Guess what, a colleague took pictures with the mobile phone and so here we go with our online photo story.

Suspiciously Unsuspicious at Christmas (English)

Night-Night. Our story begins on a cold Friday afternoon. Once again, it had been time for the Christmas event. The appreciation speech on my anniversary ended with the words: "If he is leading a project, I can sleep well." The answer of the honoured came unexpected: "Well then, good night!" The conclusion, as soon as it was quiet again in the room: "I am happy that you kept your humour." Hurrying to a training course right after, I just made it back in time for the glamorous evening gathering.

Crime Time. In dinner conversation good old times came up, including the long-gone unsuccessful assistance at a Christmas magic show. This time the program consisted of "Dinner & Crime", including the inevitable selection of an audience assistant. To be on the safe side, I was unsuspiciously looking into another direction. But the inspector - probably a former teacher - declared that he liked to pick people, who look away, so among all the 150 guests from different companies in the restaurant I was chosen again... Abruptly, I asked him: "You're no magician, are you?" Among other things, I had to read out loud a suspicious e-mail. After I had fulfilled the request to translate the short text from English to German, the inspector interrogated me: "Do you give lessons?" My confession: "Not yet, but if you want - when do you have time?" As a reward, I had to help carry out a corpse. The evening concluded with the reminding "Good Night"-wish by a colleague. Monday morning, the Christmas event was still present. "I am sorry, but every time I look at you, I have to laugh", I was told, and: "We had good fun!" My thoughts: At least somebody did.

Auffällig Unauffällig zu Weihnachten (German)

Gutnacht. Unsere Geschichte beginnt an einem kalten Freitag nachmittag. Wiederum war es Zeit für eine Weihnachtsfeier gewesen. Die Würdigung meines Jubiläums endete mit den Worten: "Wenn er ein Projekt leitet, kann ich gut schlafen." Die kurze Antwort des solcherart Geehrten kam unerwartet: "Na dann, gute Nacht!" Nachdem wieder Ruhe eingekehrt war, die Feststellung: "Ich bin froh, dass Sie Ihren Humor bewahrt haben." Zwischenzeitlich hastete ich zu einem Kurs und war bei der Abendveranstaltung wieder mit dabei.

Kriminaltango. Beim Abendessen wurden gute alte Zeiten heraufbeschworen, etwa die eigentlich verjährte, verunglückte Assistenz bei einer weihnachtlichen Zaubershow. Diesmal stand ein "Dinner & Crime" am Programm. Bei der unweigerlichen Auswahl eines Publikumsassistenten schaute ich unverdächtig in eine andere Richtung. Doch der Inspektor - wahrscheinlich ein ehemaliger Lehrer - erklärte, er möge Leute, die wegschauen, und so durfte ich wieder antreten… Sicherheitshalber fragte ich ihn gleich: "Sie sind eh kein Zauberer?" Unter anderem bestand meine Aufgabe darin, eine verdächtige e-mail vorzulesen und von Englisch auf Deutsch zu übersetzen. Danach verhörte mich der Inspektor: "Geben Sie Stunden?" Mein Geständnis: "Noch nicht, aber wenn Sie wollen - wann haben Sie Zeit?" Als Dank durfte ich gleich noch eine Leiche heraustragen helfen. Der Abend schloss mit einem erinnernden "Gute Nacht" durch Kollegen. Montags war der Weihnachts-Event noch immer präsent. "Tut mir leid, aber immer wenn ich Dich ansehe, muss ich lachen", musste ich hören, und: "Wir haben unseren Spass gehabt!" Na, wenigstens jemand, dachte ich mir.

Going to the circus, even if not sitting in the front row right at the edge of the arena, it is not safe.
We found out the hard way!

The Magic of Christmas

First Time. Legend has it that not too many more magicians were hired for entertainment at Christmas Dinners since a certain colleague had been called out to assist. When questions were asked in return, such as where he was from, the magician started explaining that he was leading the act. The entertainer lost his cool, when the suit pocket of the audience member was still sewn shut, and he couldn't slip a small magical chalkboard into it. Some even felt that his performance had been destroyed.

Next Time. Unfamiliar with the past events, a new colleague and hobby magician attempted to get me up on stage once more, but I'd reject with the words: "I had already been out last year." Which everyone remembered laughingly.

Circus Time. Nevertheless, years later taking the kids to a circus, I would soon find myself in the center of the sandy arena. A clown had asked two audience members out, not for dinner though, but for accompanying him in the spotlight to hold his jump rope. During his performance, he signaled us in pantomime not to make him trip and had us do a summersault in the end. Could it be that I stick out or something?

Traditional New Orleans Dixieland Band in Disneyland making fun of tourists.
If Walt would have known...

Disney's Dixie Dilemma

L.A. Entertainment. In Disneyland there was this Dixie band, which had me join in. Standing in a small crowd, I had been watching them for a few minutes, while I was waiting for the rest of the gang to find a restroom. Suddenly, and I am sure that I didn't volunteer, I was signaled to step forward. Making fun of innocent tourists as part of their daily routine, they handed me a shabby wash board for making music and put some glass beads on me, probably leftovers from cheat trade with natives.

Dixie Question. While I still stood there like a duck in a thunder storm, wishing for the cup to pass me by and for my belly to be as flat as the same wash board that was now hanging around my neck, the female singer let the action begin. The rather unfamiliar woman started to dance around us and asked in singing, whether I would take her back. Instantly, another band member instructed me in a whisper to respond with "Yes". My "Maybe" came rather unexpectedly to her, she loudly repeated it in disbelief at least twice before catching on with her singing. Alas, as a consequence I was soon sent back into the bystanding crowd and there would be no offer coming to permanently join the neat little act. In my imagination, good old Walt turned over in his grave. But then again, Disney has probably seen worse. So much for trouble with dark delusive dancers and unintentional comedy.

Who makes Food vanish

Japanese Cooking. A workshop in Asia mostly took place at a hotel resort that contained four restaurants, which we usually visited during the lunch breaks. We made a lot of food vanish, as we ate the delicious meals every day. The Japanese place included a cooking show at a teppanyaki hotplate. The chef usually invited the guests, who were seated in front of him, to throw a raw egg into the air and try to catch it again softly with the metal spoon, a food turner he elegantly wielded like a sword. It was the same procedure every time: Guest is asked out, guest throws egg, egg comes down, falls on the hot plate and breaks. Only the chef could do the trick and catch the raw egg without cracking it!

Flying Eggs. But on the last day, the unsuspecting cook asked me out to try. I felt quite uncomfortable standing up front, as the ventilation system was so low that I had to be careful, where to put my head. The inevitable happened: I threw the egg into the air, the audience gazed in awe, ready to sigh, the audience still gazed, and gazed, until everyone burst out into laughter. The egg never came down again. By mistake, I had thrown it into the ventilation system. Ever since, the international colleagues remembered me, for I became: "He, who made the egg disappear!"

Put on a Happy Face

Behind the Facade. People often hide behind a facade of permanent good mood. They have learned to remain silent and smile even in unpleasant situations. They endure things friendly and quietly, sometimes outspoken, even when questions are not welcome. "There is a fine line between recklessness and courage," as some McCartney song lyrics sum up it.

And so it ends... This page is actually a spin off from the collection of anecdotes under the motto "Almost", including the infamous stories "Almost home" (also known as: gas trouble), "Almost made it" (or the Amper sign), and "Almost arrested" (mix-up with a gang of pick pockets). Believe it or not, the other page became too long, so we had to open a subsidiary over here. Anyway, let me save this space, in case something happens, again! Although there is hope that this was it, isn't there?

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the world of miniature sights.